I wrote Day 3 without even looking at my notes. I only missed two bullet points – The first highlighted the personal frustration to bring tampons over my Diva Cup, which led me to blame that for gratuitous queefing during my sun salutations. If you want to pretend that bodily functions do not occur in your practice, that’s fine. But I’m here to tell you that Yogi’s piss, shit, swear, live, laugh, love, and sometimes fart out of their vaginas – deal with it. Now that we’ve started off on that note, my second point was the awe of how many people showed up to morning meditation in full makeup with their hair straightened, curled, or whatever people do with that weird protein filament that grows from your follicles. I brushed mine twice in a five-day span, and only made a note to look in the mirror daily to make sure I still existed.
Katie must have been trying to blow my metaphysical brains out by scheduling our whale-watching excursion the day after the Sweat Lodge Ceremony. I can’t think of two more polar opposite days/experiences if I tried. My Temazcal Sweat Lodge Day was work, while this was purely unadulterated bliss & play. We were picked up around 8AM, and driven to a dock that appeared like a mirage through the jungle. Ally Cat Sailing would be the captains of our day-long excursion, who I was thrilled to learn provided an open bar. You’re not exactly inspired to be mainlining margaritas and simultaneously doing yoga, so most days I would enjoy a cocktail on the beach, or a beer with dinner – but you know, I was there to get woke and not turnt.
I patiently waited about a half hour before I indulged in tequila, because let’s remember, it was assuredly earlier than 10AM. My Ally Cat cruising BFF was Wendy, and we probably went drink for drink that day even imbibing in “one more” even after we decided we’d had enough. One of the things I really liked about Wendy, and there were a lot, was her casual disposition regarding her sexuality. I know so many lesbians who let that define their identity and I’ve always said that while my gayness was very apparent, it was the least interesting thing about me. Before I’m gay I’m smart, funny, compassionate, loving, and as matchless as a motherfucking snowflake. I’ve got quite a gamete of other adjectives and things going on for me besides the whole “happening to dig chicks” thing.
We sailed around the Bay of Banderas on our luxury catamaran, incapable of having a bad time. Chris, on fucking brand, danced around a pole wearing a headband with springy heart antennas and asked “Did I make the blog yet?” She also requested a picture with “the lesbians” after Wendy and I took a photo kissing Crime on opposing cheeks. We then teased how we would start charging people $5 for a picture with “the gays.” Crime is Katie’s husband – and they are just the ultimate as far as #couplegoals are concerned. One of my favorite quotes is from Thich Nhat Hanh and he says: “You must love in such a way that the person you love feels free.” I think this is the best advice in order to have a healthy-ass relationship – to be solid and great together, yet also have your own interests and lives. Steve will come to yoga retreats when he can, but he also just lets Katie do her damn thing. He’ll attend a class or two, but preferred doing what he wanted in Sayulita – which involved a lot of massages and naps. Due to his lack of attendance at the studio, Katie’s sexuality has been called into question by the other gays. I have two things to say in response to that: 1.) I don’t fan girl at the L.L Bean store where Bridie works and I love the literal shit out of her, and 2.) They probably just want her to be gay because she’s a total babe.
Now that we’ve gone wildly off-topic, let’s get back to the boat. It was a day to remember – they stuck mostly to playing 90’s hip-hop, a choice that agreed with the lot of us. Our kitschy American selves loved getting jiggy with Will Smith, being “so caught up” with Usher, and interpretively dancing to the ‘Free Willy’ theme song. I had never been whale watching, and the experience did not disappoint. Massive 50-ton Humpbacks jumped out of the water. A Mother and her newborn calf danced and played alongside us nearly all day. There were dolphins skimming swiftly through the water, and at one point we saw two sea turtles mating as our speakers blared LMFAO’S ‘I’m In Miami Bitch.’
I had conversations with people I hadn’t connected with yet, and was confounded by the caliber of humans I’d barely talked to and how incredible they all were. There was David, who was this renowned ex-Mormon Bible Scholar who was “kind of a big deal” in the Church, who had left after 2/4 of his children came out as LGBTQ. He and his wife were so kind, intelligent, and thoughtful; I wished I had spent more time with them. There was Eve, who was young and required some assistance getting around at times with a cane. I knew she suffered from something but was unsure what until this day. And I wouldn’t use the word “suffered” because she did not live her life with despair. “I’ve biked the entire perimeter of the United States,” she told me, “And I did it all on this scholarship I got for MS. How cool is that!?” When she cited her Multiple Sclerosis and how “cool” it was that she got do these things, I really had to sit and check-in with a recurring theme for this trip: my privilege.
At one point, we threw down anchor and had the opportunity to paddle board, swim, or lounge as we continued to enjoy beverages from the Tiki Bar. I immediately scrambled to the top deck where there was a diving platform. I’m a giant fan of hucking my body off basically anything, so I got straight to that following “Cute Ben” (as he’d been nicknamed) who was doing gainers and flips. Now, I can do a flip, but I am wary of doing so from any vantage point higher than 10 feet. While I can rotate no problem, I lack some self-awareness when it comes to my body in space and landing feet first. However, Mexico Tanya ignored that piece of knowledge and did it anyways which culminated in an impressive aerial acrobatic stunt and a LOT of broken blood vessels on her left arm.
In the spirit of Katie’s brain blowing scheduling, she also arranged for Glow Yoga at 8pm that same evening. When she asked me for feedback on the trip prior to it happening, I did point out my concerns that there would be an open-bar all day, and then I was expected to do something? She countered with A) Everything was optional, and B) I could come and just lay on my mat like a lush if my FOMO was that real. I tried to remedy my choices of the day by taking a two-hour nap, and dragged my half-awake and semi-sober self up to the studio. “Are you sure you want to do yoga?” Katie asked. My eyes were still crusted shut from my brief slumber. “I may spend the whole time in child’s pose, but I’m here!” I replied. I loaded up on glow sticks and unrolled my mat next to Ashley. James was leading the class and chose 80’s music as the theme. I have a very vivid memory of serenading Ashley with Cyndi Lauper’s ‘Time After Time’ whilst in Down Dog, but I made it through the poses as well as the songs.
It’s hard to believe there’s only one day left to recount. It has been hard coming back to reality. While Mexico Tanya is still alive and well , she still is bothered by the way her boss can possibly eat peanuts so loudly. We also made the huge decision (because why not throw in a life altering choice) to move into our trailer early, so the last week and a half has been a blur of downsizing our life to fit in a 13-foot Scamp. I’m currently sponsored by wine and Xanax. It’s been good medicine for me to reflect back on this trip and balance my Chardonnay with yoga, breathing, and writing. Stay tuned for the FINAL day of the trip soon. Spoiler alert: It includes Yoga Nidra and vomiting. Namaste for now.