Happy Valentine’s Day Bitches


Well it’s February, so you know what that means. Not only is it the shortest month of the year, but it’s also National Bird Feeding month. But really – has it been a year since the last feast of Saint Valentine? For the sake of my liver, the impending crow’s feet around my eyes, my metabolism, and sanity – I sure as hell hope not. I’d like to start this entry by wishing a truly joyous Valentine’s Day to all you happy couples out there. May your day be filled with chocolate covered strawberries, champagne, gratuitous sex, love, and most importantly – a fiery inferno in which you all cease to exist.

Did that come off as bitter? Because I swear that I am not. I may not be going on a date tonight, but I will be selecting the date in which to freeze my eggs before I become as barren as the desert sands of Utah. And I definitely won’t be massaging my lover, but it doesn’t mean I won’t rub one out. In all seriousness, I’ve done a lot of good work this year – after nearly a two years of complete singledom I have really opened my heart to the possibility of love. I’ve made an actual effort to “put myself out there,” and the results have been mixed. Long story short, I adopted a dog and have been invited to be a part of many three-somes; the latter of which would be cool if it was like, 2004.

cupidSo today I won’t be listening to a special song, unless it’s “What’s Love Got to Do With It?” by Tina Turner, “U and Ur Hand” by P!nk, “Single Ladies” by Beyonce, or “I Will Survive” by Gloria Gaynor. I won’t be lighting candles, but I might be lighting my diary on fire – because no one needs to know when I’m ovulating, how many bags of Cheetos I’ve had, or that I totally wiped my hands on my jeans after consuming them. My Valentine’s day lingerie will consist of sweatpants, and my romantic picnic will consist of a box of wine that I share with myself.  The most pussy I will get will consist of petting my cat, and I’m sure I won’t get any cards but I will be reading my own tarot cards.

Being single is a little bit of a blessing, and it’s not a blessing that a lot of my friends have – especially now that I’m getting older. I’ve said it before – cultivating a relationship with yourself and cultivating positive relationships with others that are platonic is so rewarding and awesome; and you get this time to really grow and develop as a individual that you wouldn’t otherwise if you were involved with another person.

I am so happy and blessed. I’m feeling pretty fucking loved this Valentine’s Day – I have such an amazing group of people around me and I think it so important to acknowledge that love, that love that you have with your best friends, your siblings, your parents, etc. They may not be romantic relationships but that love so important and immutable. Recognize the love from acquaintances and strangers; embrace love wherever you find it. So if you’re also single and feeling a little bit down on Valentine’s Day, just open your eyes for a second and see all of the people who love you and honor your existence, and envelop yourself in it- as much as you can. Because Valentine’s Day is fucking stupid. Celebrate love every day of your life; celebrate it every second from wherever it comes from. And if you want to drink an entire bottle of red wine to your face before you get in your bubble bath tonight; you absolutely have my permission to do just that.

heartThere is so much more to life than finding that one person and if you find them, that’s great – but if you don’t it doesn’t mean you’re less of a person or that’s something you need. You’ll figure it out, I’ll figure it out, everybody will figure it out. Be content, be content in who you are and what you do and how you represent yourself. Be content being alone, be content being with other people, just be content. Live your life not worrying whether or not someone is in it or not. Own too many cat accessories. Make a bucket list and start fucking doing it. Have roommates, live with people – live with a lot of people; that’s fun.  Live for yourself, don’t live for anyone else. In the end you just never know what’s going to happen.  Learn how to read tarot cards, learn how to speak Spanish, learn how to do anything and everything you ever wanted to do in your entire life – go back to school, get your Master’s, get your PhD. Don’t sulk about how you don’t have a boyfriend or a girlfriend, you have life. Not everyone does.

So Happy Valentine’s Day, go and love yourself. I love myself, a little too much maybe. And if you take anything away from this know that you are beautiful, you’re unique, you’re fucking wonderful, and I love you. Happy Valentine’s Day, do you want to be mine?

One thought on “Happy Valentine’s Day Bitches

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