When you were younger, you didn’t always get the say in who you were friends with. Well you did, to a certain degree at least, but your parents basically got to facilitate who you hung out with and when; as your Power Wheels Fisher-Price Barbie Jammin’ Jeep could only take you so far. Maybe your Mom wanted you to hang out with Alexa because she really liked drinking wine spritzers with Alexa’s Mom. And while that’s all fun and games, maybe Alexa was a real C U Next Tuesday kind of gal (that’s an acronym for a cunt if you didn’t get that.) While I can’t take back the fact that she burned the hair off all your trolls or told everyone you wet the bed when you slept over your house, I do come bearing some good news. First of all, karma is a real thing and it probably bitch slapped Alexa right in the face by making her get real fat in college. The best shot at happiness she has now is marrying her cat. Also she stalks you on instagram and is jealous of your life.
Jokes aside, I have this to say: Congratulations, you’re an adult now. Not only can you drink legally, view porn, and smoke cigarettes (because you weren’t doing that anyway,) but you are officially a real person that is accountable for their own decisions – whether they be good or bad. This includes but is not limited to the fact that you are now able to pick and choose the people who stay close to your side, and adversely; those you keep at bay or entirely away from. I’ve been lucky as of late, to be in a place where I am surrounded by really amazing people. Then I realized, “Hey, this isn’t just by good fortune that I am in this position, but rather I am putting cognizant energy in deciding on which people to allow in my world.”
There are so many individuals in our worlds – whether they be coworkers, friends, acquaintances, someone who broke your heart, or the guy who rings you up at the gas station. We all affect and are affected by each other everyday whether it be on a minuscule, moderate, or catastrophic level. This got me to thinking, generalizing really, about what it is that I seek from others on a more encompassing scale. What is it that works for me, and does not work for me? What is it that I want, need, or desire from my interactions with others? If given the choice, who is it I want in my circle? After much thought, and a brief recess that included drinking a beer in the shower, I came up with this mantra that I will now share with all of you:
We no longer need people who do not offer us something – whether it’s direction, guidance, a challenge, or a simple shoulder to cry on. We no longer need the burden of others negativity or people who project their problems and insecurities upon us because they are too ashamed to bear them. We are not children who are set up on play dates against our will but adults who can make conscious decisions about who is allowed to be beside us.
We choose to see a glass that is half-full and reject the idea that half-empty is even an option. We choose to be positive, even when things seem grim. We will always find the silver lining, even when it is hard to see. We revel in the simplicity of existence and appreciate the here and now.
We will find other like-minded people who share these same ideas and be surrounded by each other. We will acknowledge the people who frown, who forget how lucky we all are to be here – but we will not let them enter our space. Our space will be so sacred and no matter what they do it will not affect us.
Let us be golden and untouchable and live in a world where we are brave and strong and content; where nothing ripples our water. Choose to surround yourself with positive people. Seek out people who lift you higher, and collect the best people you can find. Surround yourself with people who make you realize your own worth, who both understand and practice reciprocity. Fall in love with your friends and learn from them; let them nurture you when you need it and tell it to you straight when you’re being melodramatic and terrible. You will become like the people you spend your time with so choose wisely. Like Mark Twain once said: “…the really great [people] make you feel that you, too, can become great.” However if you prefer the stylings of the Wu-Tang Clan as opposed to authors and humorists from the late 1800’s, we could also say this: “Do not chase people. Be you and do your own thing and work hard. The right people who belong in your life will come to you and stay.” Wu-Tang Forever.
When I sit and stew on my own personal life, which I clearly do never (if “never” is defined as pretty much always, all of the time, ever) I feel like I am the luckiest girl alive. I am blessed to be surrounded by positive people who light up my life, sing to my soul, and warm cockles of my heart. I’m not sure if I found them, or they found me but with their solid support and my feet on the ground; when other people get into my life and disrupt my equilibrium; they are there to gently bring me back to balance and remind me who I am. We may not always get to choose with whom we interact, there will always be that bag-of-dicks from work, or the next-door-neighbor who always lets her dog shit in your front yard; but you can control who you keep close and how you let these interactions influence you.
Put positive energy out there, because you will absolutely get what you give. Look around and be aware of your surroundings. It’s easy to get caught up in the human entanglement that is life, to find ourselves enclosed in situations and personalities that do not wholly compliment us. But from today on make yourself a promise: Free yourself from negative people. Spend time with people whom you admire and admire you. Choose friends who make each day a little brighter just by being in it. Life is too short to spend with people who inhibit you from being the best version of your authentic self in any way. It’s too short to make space for the kind of people who suck the happiness out of you and relationships that hurt and don’t help you.
Continue to be beacon for positivity in your own life and you will attract the people you need. As RZA, GZA, and Ghostface Killah once said: “The right people who belong in your life will come to you” and then they will stay.