With a New Year in our sights – we are all often found looking for resolutions, new goals, opportunities, and experiences. In a conversation that most likely involved an oversized bottle of wine, my friend Courtney and I decided that our new “thing” for 2013 would include the collection of eccentric and random hobbies. Now we’re not talking about taking up crocheting or knitting sweaters – we’re talking about the stuff that you hear about and your response is “Really? That’s a thing?”
Without further ado here is Courtney and Tanya’s to-do list for 2013:
1. Become well versed in the theories of Quantum Psychics. Corner people at parties and explain the philosophical implications of Quantum Physics on the physical world.
2. Experiment with tantric sex – something that may prove difficult when one is not having sex.
“I feel like we’re not actually going to become experts in tantric sex because we don’t have sex.” – Courtney
3. Go to India, visit an ashram, and become yogis.
4. Become masters of Jungian dream interpretation. Constantly interpret other people’s dreams whether they ask you to or not.
5. Develop superior olfactory senses and start a perfume blog (this is clearly Courtney at work because I’ve only owned two bottles of actual perfume in my life, one of which was Taylor Swift perfume)
6. Start marketing ourselves as animal psychics. Use the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders to diagnose animals with mental illnesses. Tell their owners their animals need continued sessions and charge an unreasonable amount of money.
7. Become wine connoisseurs. Use words like “Oaky” and “Pétillant” to make it sound like we know what we’re talking about.
“We could brew our own wine, well not brew. What do you do with wine? What do you do with wine? Let’s make it like they do in prison, by just hoarding a bunch of fruit.” – Courtney
8. Paint things with nail polish, look we already started:
Yes that wine bottle pays homage to Lewis and Clark’s guide to the new world Sacajawea, as well as our cats. What is our life?
9. Buy everything local. Must be Portland organic, Oregon organic – all across the board organic.
10. Join the American Tea Masters Association (Yes that is a real thing) actually, join as many random associations as possible, and become masters at everything.
11. Host sex-toy parties as a dynamic duo. Important to note when I suggested this Courtney replied “Yes! sex parties.” Leaving out the word toy makes it a very different party and not one I’m planning on hosting.
12. Take up gardening. Learn how to rake and more importantly – hoe.
13. Learn everything about astrology and tell people things like: “You are SUCH a Gemini.”
14. Become well versed in feminist theory and be offended by everything. I was part-women part-women:
15. Continue our quest in finishing impossibly large bottles of wine.
16. Figure out how to do this:
17. Become masters of interpretive dance, use dance as only form of communication with real world.
18. Extreme cat grooming. You know how this is a thing? We’re going to shave this in our cat’s asses.
20. Master bird calls and only communicate via chirps and tweets. Talk shit about people this way.
21. Be born agains. Not born again Christians or born-a-gays, but literally tap into the fascination that is being literally born again.
22. Drive across the country and find somewhere to live.
23. Adopt this:
It may prove ambitious, but here is to 2013. I plan on making you my bitch, please and thank you.