20 Kids And Barfing

Throughout their time in the public media sector, the Duggar family has picked up many prestigious awards. Most recently, in 2010, they received the “Pro-Family Entertainment Award” at the Values Voter’s submit. While that is, as they would say, “fine and dandy” – I have a few suggestions for other potential awards:

  • A Certificate of Excellence awarded to Michelle Duggar for “Most Cavernous Vagina”
  • The Congressional Award for Being Disgustingly Fertile
  • A Nobel Prize in “Single Handedly Contributing To The Overpopulation Of Our World”

I was minding my own business on Tuesday night watching TLC, when suddenly a news ticker began to run across the bottom of my screen. I painfully averted my eyes from the episode of “Say Yes To The Dress” that I was watching to read the bulletin: “Watch the Today show in the morning for a special announcement from the Duggars!” My immediate reaction? An over the top Liz Lemon eye roll:

Oh Brother. “What could this announcement be?!” My mind raced with the possibilities: Jinger (Yes, with a J) was leaving the family to pursue a career in stripping. It had been discovered that Jim Bob was a Grand Wizard in his local KKK Klavern. Joy-Anna had decided to begin transitioning from female-to-male.
While I would never wake up early enough for the Today Show unless I was on it, I caught wind of the news the next day. To my utter shock and dismay, Michelle Duggar was once again expecting.
Remember when your last baby was born a fetus?

Let’s time travel to her last pregnancy and remember how well that worked out. Josie Duggar was born so prematurely that they didn’t even use the word “premature” but “micropreemie”. While that word is damn cute, the perforated bowel she suffered is not, and neither is spending the first six months of your life in neonatal intensive care unit. Many people assume that they continue to have children because it is part of their religious beliefs. However, the Duggars are simply Conservative Christians and their faith is not why they have procreated as so. When Jim Bob and Michelle first married, they used birth control. They stopped to conceive their eldest, Josh, and then resumed the birth control. Then Michelle Duggar became pregnant again but suffered a miscarriage. Believing the miscarriage to be the result of the contraceptive they “decided to allow God to determine the number of children” they would have. Never-mind the fact that miscarriages are actually quite common, and that there are a myriad of reasons a miscarriage can occur.

And now here we are: 20 Kids And Barfing.I couldn’t help but to take it to my Facebook where I wrote: “If I knew how to tie someones tubes, I would find Michelle Duggar and help her out.” Some of my favorite responses from my friends included:

  • Cocktail weiner in the Chunnel. That’s all I’ve got.
  •  Whenever I see the Duggars, my vagina automatically closes.
  • Anyone want to go in on mail order prophylactics with me?
  • 20 kids and counting? Really? Whose counting…they are too busy having sex.
  • I feel 100% okay in saying that having 20 kids is selfish.

I understand loving children, and not in a pedophiliac kind of way. However I also understand my body, respect the limitations it places on me, and wouldn’t be trying to procreate all the live long day if I knew it posed serious risks on not only my life, but my potential child’s life as well. Anyways, by 45 I’m going to have enough things to worry about (saggy boobs, stress incontinence, overactive bowels) besides growing a tiny human inside me.

2 thoughts on “20 Kids And Barfing

  1. OMG, I cannot stand this couple and popping out babies. These children really can’t be getting any real quality of life. I mean contending for attention against 10+ kids has to be hard. I really can’t wait until the children begin rebelling. I mean out of 19 kids, statistics tell us there are going to be some gays in the bunch. How will they handle that? And who will be the first in porn or playboy?

    See, I get all riled up about the Duggars. I vomited in my mouth just a little when they show scenes of her getting giddy about popping out another show puppy. And it really slaps women in the face who are really trying to get pregnant while she pops them out like pez.

    1. I wish there was just one wild, rebellious, or flamingly homosexual Duggar kid. I predict at LEAST 2 gays.

      To answer your question I see Jinger in playboy. Because her named is “Ginger” spelled with a “J”

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