Tanya Loves Toys: Part One


I feel lucky to have grown up when I did, very lucky. Sure we had television and a moderate level of technology, but the television wasn’t my baby-sitter and there was no such thing as a smart phone. Honestly, at this point in time a 5 year old can probably work an iPhone better than me. Not only do I miss the days of innocence, but I worry about what the world is going to be like in a decade when I’m having procreating. Let’s look back and reminisce at some of my good old fashioned favorites from childhood:

Skip It – But the very best thing of all, there’s a counter on this ball! Not only did I used to play with Skip It in my cul-de-sac, but also I used to take laps around my neighborhood while it was affixed to my ankle and I revolved the small orb in a 360-degree skipping rotation.  I don’t mean to gloat but a solid mile skipping it was quite the commitment.

 

Nickelodeon Flash Screen – I remember asking for this for the Christmas of 93’. Toy discontinued after multiple child seizures. PS: I’m not even fucking kidding you.

 

American Girl Dolls – When I was into American Girls (and God Bless America, I still am) there were only 4: Samantha, Molly, Kirsten, and Felicity. They each had their own unique stories, accessories, and styles. However, they had one thing in common: they were all white as shit. Hence, they have since released some “ethic” ‘American’ girls including: Addy, Josephina, and Ivy.

Koosh Balls – I liked Koosh Balls because they were tricky. One might say these pieces of rubber filaments served zero purpose – however, if they did serve one it was knowing where the little loop was and psyching out opponents by pretending you were going to throw it at their face, and then being like “Oh hey, J/K it’s attached to my phalange.”

Magic 8 Ball – Magic 8 Ball’s are still my antidote for decision-making. In using a ‘Magic 8 Ball’ you ask a “yes” or “no” question, then flip the apparatus upright to see the answer. The Answer can range from “Signs Point To Yes,” to “My Sources Say No.” I hesitate to call them toys because really – these mystical items should be reserved only for serious life choices.

Dream Phone – I know where he hangs out (he’s not at the mall). He also definitely isn’t wearing blue jeans and he likes most sport (except Tennis). Also, Dan’s your man.

 

Mall Madness– We cannot even begin to process Dream Phone without acknowledging the greatness that was Mall Madness. There will always be a sale at the “Chitch-en” store, and if someone ever says “Oh long line, try again later” to me, I will punch them in the face.

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