RIP Lisa Frank

Okay, so Lisa Frank isn’t dead. According to their corporate information their headquarters is located in  Tucson, Arizona so I imagine she’s sitting on her back porch drinking a mojito, staring at a cactus, and laughing about how rich she got making stickers and notebooks with unicorns and homoerotic polar bears.

What is dead, is me talking about her on this blog. Did I mention this is my third blog post about Lisa Frank? However I’ve still got several photos in my queue, and if I’m going to lay this obsession to rest, I am going to do so with style.

Fun Fact #1: I actually owned this stationary as a child.

Fun Fact #2: Fish don’t kiss, they mate – and you better believe they do so in the sexiest way possible. If of course your definition of the “sexiest thing possible” is that the male’s anal fin is long and thin and rotates around and he basically uses it after he spills his load to direct his sperm toward the female’s egg sacks.

This here is Peekaboo. You probably can’t see, but there are some fun facts about Peekaboo as well. While he likes fragrant flowers and colorful toad-stools he dislikes “cheaters.” I’m guessing he was spurned by a former lover. Goddamn Hippie Turtle.

Have you ever referred to someone as being “dead behind the eyes?” If someone doesn’t understand what that means just show them this picture and they’ll get it.

This bear was the original Black Swan. Move over Natalie Portman, there’s a new ballerina in town and she’s not afraid to lez it out with Mila Kunis.

If you didn’t just cock your head to one side and let out a resounding “awww,” you have no heart and certainly no soul. While I will draw attention to the obvious fact that penguins aren’t purple nor do they have sunset colored breasts, I’m not even going to rank too hard on them.

Penguins are adorable and that’s a fact. If you hate penguins you might as well be a mass murderer cause you’re pure evil and your heart is black.
Oh my god, YAY! We goin’ on a hot airz ballon ride! Weeeee. Oh hey, guess what my cat would do if you put her in a hot air balloon? She would meow loudly for awhile jump on the edge of the basket to see what’s up, and then attempt to jump to “safety” and plummet thousands of miles to her furry and fiery death.

Holy retro. This is from the 1980’s Lisa Frank sticker collection. People did a lot of cocaine in the 80’s, which is why I am letting this one slide. Seriously, I’ve never done LSD but after looking at this picture I feel an odd and urgent need to purchase some. Let’s break this picture down: Two bears. One in a faggy hat, and one in a rainbow themed ensemble. Also, the pads on her feet are glowing. There are butterflies and birds making out and they are sharing a multi-color ice cream cone. I don’t know if this is a dream or a nightmare.
Oh holy hell. Wow, just wow. There are balloons, and rainbow balloons, and balloons that look seemingly like Mickey Mouse. Meet Flippy the Penguin and Gaymo the Bear. They have been together for twenty-five years and since New York State now allows gay marriage they are celebrating their love for one another. I wonder how they do it cause I’m pretty sure that their climates aren’t interchangeable. AKA Pengies don’t live in forests and bears don’t live in the Arctic unless “Polar” precedes their name.
I don’t know my dog breeds well but I’m fairly certain that this is a Bichon Frise. Of course, paired with a giant strawberry and hippie beads. I like to picture Lisa Frank associates sitting around a roundtable. “Okay who has an idea?”
I do. A Border Terrier with a banana and a baseball cap. A hairless cat with a french fry wearing a beret. A rainbow raccoon with a fruit basket wearing daisy dukes.
These cats are cute. And by “cute” I mean absolutely terrifying. There are so many things to say but I want to start with the fact they are wearing bangles on their tails. My cat would eat her own tail if I put that shit on her, not to mention the gay ass sweaters, mascara, and delicate chokers they’re sporting. I’m going to say it, they look slutty. They look like cat who will do anything for a thrill or a couple of dollars.

3 thoughts on “RIP Lisa Frank

  1. I’ve found myself posting about Lisa Frank on my blog multiple times as well. No shame! 🙂 I found this post while searching for “Lisa Frank” on google images yet again, and noticed something about the hugging penguins – the piece of ice they’re floating on isn’t connected to any mainland, so they are obviously hanging on to each other for dear life! Or maybe not. I guess penguins can swim, too. nevermind. Nice roundup of images, anyway!

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