This Is Why I’m Hot (Hot)

If you know me, you know I am one handsome lady. I’m constantly making others feel bad about themselves because I’m so attractive . I can’t help it and I didn’t wish for this, it was how I was born.

(This)                             +      (This)                         =             Perfection.

If that didn’t do it for you, I am equipped to prove my point through further photographic evidence. I present to you, This Is Why I’m Hot (Hot):

Oh hi there T. Sweet tee-shirt. Have you ever been to Ithaca? No? That’s what I thought. Imposturer.

I also enjoy the fact you chose to make your bacon into walrus tusks. You are truly a shining example of maturity.

You like to to hike? Oh, me too! I don’t want to assume but it looks like you might be in Zion National Park here. I’ve heard it is assolutely breathtaking there, no butts about it.Those were not puns, for the record, I was not trying to be cheeky.

Hey girl hey. If you look up “sexy” is the dictionary I’m pretty sure this is the picture that’s next to it. However, I don’t know what’s sexier – you’re lack luster attempt at Snooki’s poof, the possible lazy eye you’re sporting, or your sweet dance moves.  I’m going to have to  pick d.) all of the above.

Be still my beating heart. I don’t even know what to say about this picture besides the fact that you look like you should be driving a creepy mini-van with tinted windows that you lure children into with the promise of candy. And you’re 11.

Oh, and Farrah Faucet called, she wants you’re sad attempt at her signature 1970’s hair-do back.

How’s that sandwich fatty?

Was this picture taken two seconds before you unhinged your jaw and swallowed the entire thing like a python?


This is probably the most attractive person of a living person that I have ever seen in my entire life. Hint: If you’re going to the beach there’s this thing called sunscreen (maybe you’ve heard of it)…you put it on your body and it blocks UV rays. Look into it.

Jesus Christ. Literally, Jesus Christ. So your friend has a “Sexy Christmas Party” and this is your interpretation? I really don’t know whether to be impressed, aroused or disgusted.

In any event, if you don’t want to take me on a date after this blog entry, I don’t really know where your head is at. In the words of the great lyricist Mims: This is why I’m hot (2x) This is why (2x) Uh/This is why I’m hot (2x) Whoo.

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